Funny Bird Names That Sound Fake (But Are Completely Real)

Tits. Boobies. Peckers. Somehow these are all completely legitimate things to discuss while birdwatching.

There are moments when learning more about nature makes you feel deeply connected to the world around you.

And then there are moments when you discover that tits and boobies are both actual birds and realize ornithology has been withholding some pretty important information.

This was one of those moments for me.

The more bird names I learned, the more obvious it became that I did not actually need to invent a joke. Someone had already done the hard part. I just needed to draw them.

Which is how I ended up illustrating an entire collection of real birds with names that sound fake, mildly inappropriate, or like they were chosen specifically to make a room full of twelve-year-olds lose it.

So yes: tits are real birds. Boobies are real birds. Peckers are real birds.

And somehow their names aren’t even the most interesting thing about them.

Yes, Great Tits Are Real Birds

We have to start here.

The Great Tit (Parus major) is a small songbird found widely across Europe and parts of Asia. They’re common in forests, gardens, parks and even cities, where they’ve gotten surprisingly good at dealing with human nonsense.

Researchers have found Great Tits in noisy urban environments adjusting their songs—including singing at higher pitches—so they can be heard over traffic and other low-frequency city noise.

Which feels like an impressive amount of adaptability for a bird whose name makes it nearly impossible for me to conduct myself professionally.

Great Tit was one of the birds that sent me down this entire rabbit hole in the first place. Once you learn there is a perfectly legitimate bird called a Great Tit, you start wondering what else ornithology has been keeping from you.

The answer is: quite a lot.

Blue-Footed Boobies Are Even Better Than Their Name

Then we have the Blue-footed Booby (Sula nebouxii).

Yes, booby.

Yes, blue feet.

No, I did not make any of this up.

Blue-footed Boobies are seabirds found along the Pacific coast of the Americas, and their extremely blue feet are not just decorative. During courtship, they perform a wonderfully dramatic little display that involves lifting and showing off those feet to a potential mate. Foot color can provide information about the bird’s condition, and brighter blue feet are associated with mate choice.

So essentially:

LOOK AT MY FEET.

But scientifically.

They’re also impressive hunters. Blue-footed Boobies feed largely on fish and catch them by plunge-diving into the ocean from above.

Which is exactly the kind of nature fact I love: you start because the bird has a funny name and suddenly you’re forty minutes deep into learning about seabird courtship.

This is how they get you.

And Yes, We Need to Talk About Peckers

Woodpeckers at least have a name that makes obvious sense.

They peck wood.

Case closed.

Except, naturally, it gets weirder.

That rapid machine-gun pecking you hear from a woodpecker is often drumming, and it isn’t necessarily about finding food at all. Woodpeckers use drumming to communicate and advertise themselves, which is also why they sometimes choose wonderfully obnoxious resonant objects like gutters, streetlights and other metal surfaces.

They are not confused.

They have simply discovered acoustics and chosen violence against your Saturday morning.

When woodpeckers are actually feeding, their pecking tends to be much quieter and more deliberate.

So the bird hammering on something metallic outside your window may not be looking for breakfast.

He may just have something to say.

Nature Really Did Most of the Writing for Me

This is one of my favorite things about drawing wildlife.

The natural world is already weird.

I don’t have to add a tiny hat to every animal or invent a complicated backstory to make it interesting. Sometimes I just have to pay attention long enough to find out that a bird dances with its blue feet, another changes its song because city traffic is too loud, and another communicates by aggressively drumming on your gutter.

And sometimes their names are tits, boobies and peckers.

It’s a very generous system for someone who makes illustrated goods for a living.

The original Fowl Language illustration eventually became a lineup of nine real birds with ridiculous common names. Every bird in it exists. I did not sit at my desk brainstorming progressively more inappropriate things to call them.

For once, I am innocent.

That illustration has since made its way onto stickers, mugs, tea towels, bumper stickers, prints and greeting cards—which is maybe what happens when you give an illustrator access to both obscure nature facts and manufacturing.

Why Are Funny Bird Names So Good?

I think part of the appeal is that birding has a reputation for being extremely serious.

Binoculars. Field guides. Latin names. Quietly standing in a marsh at 6:12 in the morning.

And then somebody calmly says:

“Great Tit.”

That contrast gets me every time.

But it’s also exactly why I like learning this stuff.

You don’t have to be a lifelong birder to start noticing birds. You can begin because one showed up outside your window. Because you heard a weird noise. Because somebody told you Blue-footed Boobies dance.

Or because you saw a sticker that said Tits, Boobies & Peckers and needed to know whether I was lying to you.

Whatever gets you there counts.

Apparently I Make Bird Merch Now

The Fowl Language collection really started with one very simple thought:

These names are already funny enough. I should draw them.

That turned into nine illustrated birds.

Then one sticker.

Then a print.

Then a mug.

Then a tea towel.

Then a bumper sticker.

At some point I should probably have recognized a pattern.

But I still love the reason the collection works: underneath the middle-school humor, there’s an actual little doorway into natural history.

Someone laughs at the word booby.

Then they learn about the feet.

Then they tell somebody else about the feet.

Suddenly we’re all discussing seabird courtship over coffee.

Perfect.

Want More Extremely Unserious Ornithology?

You can explore the Fowl Language collection for all nine birds, or browse the rest of my bird lover gifts if your preferred bird humor involves geese, chickens or individual boobies.

And if you came here strictly to confirm that these were real bird names:

They are.

I’m sorry / you’re welcome.